I have a real fear of being crushed. Whether it be physically (ow), mentally, emotional, financially, or spiritually. Ive built some pretty steep walls, and God forbid if I let a soul through.
This ladies and gents is what I deem “being independent” when in actuality, its called being vulnerable. I’m scared to depend on anyone for anything past making sure my fast food order is correct. Doesn’t mean I don’t want too at times, but I have a hard time admitting I need help.
I like most people, love to put out into the world I got my ISH together. Don’t need no help. Don’t need no one but me myself and I.Whose the real HBIC up in hurr? Well that doesn’t work sometimes and I’m left fighting the sensation of drowning or the urge to cry in the fetal position.
Why do I do this? Why can’t I just admit I’m stumbling, before I fall and crash? All good questions, but sadly I have no real answers for you. Maybe it’s pride. Maybe it’s not wanting to burden people with my problems. Who knows.
I know I’m not the only one who has been broken to the point of learning to rely only on ones self. I also know I’m not the only one whose pride says ” I GOT THIS” when my heart is begging for help.
Slowly and I mean turtle slow, I am learning there are good people out there. They will help to the best of their abilities. May not be financial or emotional or whatever you’re needing, but they can help in other ways. Just knowing they are willing can be enough to ease your mind, you just have to ask. Sometimes they may not even know you need help, hence them not offering. Give people a chance, a little faith and the benefit of the doubt. Share the burden with someone who may be looking for exactly what you can offer them. Be your own best friend by letting someone else in.
So stop being so stubborn and let your guard down, dude.