This past Sunday this very question was given to me.When I was told to discuss my answer with a neighbor I was drawing blanks, but with a little reflection I think I have wrapped my head around 2 things that I feel like my inadequacy has tried to veil in the past. Now I will save the in depth discussion about over coming these feelings for a upcoming post, so this is just a glimpse of some of my past struggles.
When It Came to My Relationship
There were days when I looked around at others relationships and felt very inadequate. They have this or we don’t have that, or why are they in this season and we are not? They have known each other 5 minutes and we have known each other years, what is the deal. Am I not a good enough girlfriend? What can I change to get us to that point?
I tried to cover up my feelings of inadequacy by diminishing the good in others relationships, and hyping up the good in my own relationship. This sounds really bad, but before you judge me, hear me out. If a friend said ” We bought a house” I would respond with excitement, then change the subject almost immediately or say something negative like” Houses are really expensive, renting is much better.” Or when a friend would say ” my boyfriend did this awesome thing for me” I would then brag about what my boyfriend did for me. Like it was some sort of competition of whose better, like I was trying to 1 up everyone in the relationship game. I did not like talking about how great THEY were doing because it made me think WE weren’t doing as good.
Now if I have learned one thing about comparison, is that it robs you of your own joy. Never ever ever, compare your relationship or its season to another. I also learned that I was feeling inadequate because I was not fully at peace with trusting God’s timing.
When It Came to My Faith
As I have mentioned before I got started on my faith journey about 18 years after the majority of my friends and peers. I always felt like a inadequate Christian when my friends would talk about the church groups they were in, or the verses and how the impacted their lives, or how the were saved. I felt like everyone could tell I had no clue what was going on. I thought I could fake it until I got to the level they were at. I did this by pretending to know everything. I was overzealous in discussing “christian things” to the point where I had to lie to get through simple conversations. Lying about growing up in church so my friends didn’t think I was some poser or n00b. I talked about this great relationship I had with God, when I hadn’t even know you COULD have a personal relationship with Him until after I put my inadequate feelings to rest.
My inadequacy was actually keeping me at arms length from actually really digging into my faith. It prevented me from asking questions or having discussion because I gave off the persona that I had to all together. Lying about what I did or did not know was exhausting and made me further from God then I had been in the past.
FYI there are no “levels” of being a Christian, God loves us all the same people, and there is no way to gain favor with Him.
So what is your inadequacy trying to hide? What has it hidden in the past? How did you overcome it?
Let’s have a discussion about it, in the comments below.
Post about how I overcame my feelings coming soon.