This past Sunday this very question was given to me.When I was told to discuss my answer with a neighbor I was drawing blanks, but with a little reflection I think I have wrapped my head around 2 things that I feel like my inadequacy has tried to veil in the past. Now I will save the in depth discussion about over coming these feelings for a upcoming post, so this is just a glimpse of some of my past struggles.
When It Came to My Relationship
There were days when I looked around at others relationships and felt very inadequate. They have this or we don’t have that, or why are they in this season and we are not? They have known each other 5 minutes and we have known each other years, what is the deal. Am I not a good enough girlfriend? What can I change to get us to that point?
I tried to cover up my feelings of inadequacy by diminishing the good in others relationships, and hyping up the good in my own relationship. This sounds really bad, but before you judge me, hear me out. If a friend said ” We bought a house” I would respond with excitement, then change the subject almost immediately or say something negative like” Houses are really expensive, renting is much better.” Or when a friend would say ” my boyfriend did this awesome thing for me” I would then brag about what my boyfriend did for me. Like it was some sort of competition of whose better, like I was trying to 1 up everyone in the relationship game. I did not like talking about how great THEY were doing because it made me think WE weren’t doing as good.
Now if I have learned one thing about comparison, is that it robs you of your own joy. Never ever ever, compare your relationship or its season to another. I also learned that I was feeling inadequate because I was not fully at peace with trusting God’s timing.
When It Came to My Faith
As I have mentioned before I got started on my faith journey about 18 years after the majority of my friends and peers. I always felt like a inadequate Christian when my friends would talk about the church groups they were in, or the verses and how the impacted their lives, or how the were saved. I felt like everyone could tell I had no clue what was going on. I thought I could fake it until I got to the level they were at. I did this by pretending to know everything. I was overzealous in discussing “christian things” to the point where I had to lie to get through simple conversations. Lying about growing up in church so my friends didn’t think I was some poser or n00b. I talked about this great relationship I had with God, when I hadn’t even know you COULD have a personal relationship with Him until after I put my inadequate feelings to rest.
My inadequacy was actually keeping me at arms length from actually really digging into my faith. It prevented me from asking questions or having discussion because I gave off the persona that I had to all together. Lying about what I did or did not know was exhausting and made me further from God then I had been in the past.
FYI there are no “levels” of being a Christian, God loves us all the same people, and there is no way to gain favor with Him.
So what is your inadequacy trying to hide? What has it hidden in the past? How did you overcome it?
Let’s have a discussion about it, in the comments below.
Post about how I overcame my feelings coming soon.
XOXO
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Great post! You just helped me discover some of those inadequate feelings in myself as well! I did the same thing with my relationship with my now husband.
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Thank you so much! So weird that our subconscious will do that sometimes
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I felt inadequate for years, personally and socially. Everything I did, or did not do, was driven by that feeling of inadequacy making it impossible to understand how anything good to come out of it. It wasn’t until recently, during a time that I had thought my marriage was falling apart, that I discovered that all those years of feeling in adequate were in fact a symptom of my being introverted. Once I had an understanding of that, I was able to start working on the problem instead of wallowing in the symptoms. My life is a mine field of poor decision after another and I’ve reserved myself to the fact that I needed to look forward rather than backward. I still feel inadequate at times, however now I decide to identify the cause, fix it, and move forward. I’m happy that you’re focusing on this in your 20’s rather than being like me and focusing on it in your early 40’s. You have the opportunity to choose to ignore these feelings of inadequacy and enjoy life a lot more than I ever was able to 20 years ago.
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Thank you so much for sharing! I think we all have a tendency to have those feelings no matter what circumstances you’re in. Glad you are overcoming them!
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Great topic! Peer pressure is one obstacle I think is responsible for inadaqucies. There is the story of the lieutenant in the elite paratroopers who was younger than many of the commandoes in his team. This lieutenant had only fine blond hair for a mustache in a unit where proud commandos stroked their glorious handle bar mustachios with every sentence. The Lieutenant, who was never chided over his baby face anyway, took action and used mascara to comb into and bring out a really black feature to his lip. He would have been better off with his down. Now he looked like a baby with a mustache painted on.
As the story went, he was aiding a wounded soldier in the Bush one day who said to him, “before I die, please paint that on my lip, My Mom would be so proud.” The Lieutenant replied, “Very funny, I’m going to get that Bullitt out of your as
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Forgot to finish that… The Lieutenant replied, “Very funny. I’m going to get that bullet out of your as* and then kick it!”
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I love this post! So, I sent a link to it to the Youth Pastor at my church. I’m hoping he’s able to have some of his girls read it. Thank you for such transparency, it’s a rare blessing!
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Thank you so much! Hope his girls can find some insight!
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Yeah, one of whom I hope is my daughter. Blessings upon you!
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I’m sitting here trying to come up with something and the only thing I can think of is the thought of creating a ‘blog’ to share my own journey. I actually debated and thought that it was stupid and no one will ever read what I have to say or share. I even feel inadequate for a vision I have for 3yrs now.
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I feel inadequate when I see the things some others write, like I could never live up to what they do. But we don’t have too! We only have to do what makes us happy
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The struggle of being a human, lol. I’m now reminded that it is through our weaknesses (aka “inadequate mindset”) where God is extending his grace on us to do what we are happy about. š
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Wow,that’s being so open.I love this.It’s good that you have seen where you lacked and instead of justifying yourself,you dealt with it.That’s being Christ-like.
Admitting one’s deficiencies and addressing them bring one to Christian maturity.We grow from glory to glory.Very well said.thanks
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Thank you so much!
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I would recommend a couple books to further explore. The first is Carol Dweck’s Mindset. She talks about how trying to be perfect ends up setting people back in the long run. The key is to understand that you’re making progress. The second is A Soul Without Shame by Byron Brown. There is some adult language in the book. The premise is to find ways to counter the internal judge that makes you feel inadequate.
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For a lot of years I thought I was horrible writer. As a consequence I never attempted entering in competitions or even telling my friends that it was something I enjoyed doing. Several years down the road I still don’t think that I am anything exceptional, but I have been able to move past those feelings of inadequacy so I can finally enjoy one of the few things that comes naturally to me. Feeling Inadequate held me back for so many years. I was stunted in my ability to glorify God by a gift that He had given me. Caring too much about rejection and how others view you is one of the surest ways to accomplish nothing meaningful with your life.
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Your self-awareness and growth are inspiring. Peace to you!
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Thank you so much!!
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You’d be surprised how many battle this same thing. Not being an agist (yes, I read the blog And laughed at the closing), but when you get to be my age (and I’m not old), it doesn’t seem to matter any more. I’ve been successful, but at heart just a country boy that likes simplicity. With that said, there are still many that base their life successes on what others accomplish.
Keep up writing about the subject … There are many that will benefit. š
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Thank you so much! And hey some of the best people out there are just simple country boys!
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